I read that writing about the PPD and daily improvements can be helpful...

Let's see, first of all thank YOU for the kinds comments, messages, and prayers. Sorry I haven't responded personally, I get all teary eyed when I try. And I try to avoid getting all weepy. The past two days have been better. Not great by any stretch of the imagination, but certainly BETTER. I managed to get to sleep without meds the past two nights. Woo-Hoo! I'm still waking up with that crappy, I-need-to-puke-or-poop feeling. This morning it didn't come as early and didn't stay as long. I struggle to eat anything before 4:00 p.m. I forced myself to eat toast for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. I walked twice yesterday and today, a mile each time. This morning was an adventure of sorts. I've weaned Mattie, it isn't what I had planned...it just is what it is. Evenings are when I feel my best. As a matter of fact, I feel A-OK at the moment. I'm pleased that I'm not overwhelmed with thoughts of tomorrow's struggles, that is a biggie to overcome. My dear husband came over for dinner and a walk. I miss him terribly right now, but I don't think I'm ready to handle a day full of Caden and Mattie by myself just yet. I'm getting there, though. I starting taking some herbal stuff today. It's going to help, I just know it. The first bout of this PPD lasted 5 weeks and I managed to pull out of it. So, if this second round lasts as long...I'm more than halfway through. But surely, it wont last as long. I'm betting I'm over this shit by week's end. Yeah, as I think back on it I'm doing a LOT better.

Until next time, love to you.

I've tried to put this post off for the past couple of weeks. I kept thinking I would post about what I've gone through, instead I've decided to post about what I'm going through. Maybe it'll help to write about it. Right now, I'm in the midst of post-partum depression. It began when I got home from the family reunion and just hasn't let up. I've been to the doctor and I am refusing anti-depressants, for now. I did get some meds to help me get to sleep and stay asleep. I've been with my Mom 24-7 since Wednesday. She's taking care of me, Caden, and Mattie. God bless her poor heart.

I've got a new game plan today. I'm going to start walking again, everyday! I took Caden for a walk this afternoon and feel much better. I firmly believe it's what helped me get over the first bout of baby blues I went through, I don't know why I haven't tried it sooner.

I don't really feel sad at all. I just have a lot of unwarranted anxiety. I know that everything in my life is so wonderful. I don't have any real worries, life is really good. However, I can't shake the anxiousness. That I'm really short-fused. I've had diahrrea and thrown up almost every day. Today, I have not...so that's progress. I still can't get myself to sleep for a nap, even though I want to. I'll get there, though. So, if you have any suggestions that don't include taking anti-depressants feel free to share. And if you have time, pray for rest and peace for me...and for my Mom, husband, and children. I think I'm causing us all to go through a rough patch.

Gotta tend to Mattie...Love to all,

Whit

Welcome my little brother, Cody, to Xanga - enidbanshee

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Mattie had a check-up today. It included immunizations, poor baby. I'm happy to report that she is a healthy girl. She is now 23 inches long and weighs 13.6 pounds. She is also 9 weeks old today. These past 9 weeks have been interesting with a new baby in the house. I'm so thankful for her. I look at her and my heart aches because I love her so much. She's a really easy baby, thank God. I wish she would sleep through the night but it's all good. I know she will sooner or later. I'm so blessed in so many ways.

We have no plans for the 4th of July. Wesley is working so we're probably going to stick close to home.

Okie dokie, Mattie is starting to squall at me. Just checking in.

I'll try to get some pics on here soon.

Love to all!

We had our family reunion this past weekend. Wesley and I left Thursday a.m. and got back late Tuesday night. I wasn't able to shut my mind off the night before we left and only got a very few hours of sleep...it was a terrible way to start the trip off. I felt sleep deprived and out of it the entire trip. However, it was super special to be with my family...it always is. It's really pretty amazing to see how close we all are. And I know how incredibly blessed and lucky I am to be a member of this network of amazing people.

I did a very poor job of taking pictures. I had plans of stealing my cousin's pics...just like I did at Christmas, but plans changed and I'll have to wait for their pictures. This is all of I've got. Love to you all...

 and DON'T SPEED THROUGH PARKING LOTS!

I can't tell you how hard it is to get a newborn's car seat in, wrangle a shopping cart, the mail, groceries, whatever while trying to keep a two year old at your side and out of harm's way. It's a nightmare. Caden does a good job of holding on to my shirt, when I can't hold his hand. However, today a paper blew by and he immediately went for it. It's amazing how short his attention span is. Of course, I yelled at him and managed to grab him. Shortly thereafter, a car came speeding through the lot. I can't tell you what a sick feeling it gave me. If I had 8 arms, I would have thrown a rock at that car or maybe shot them the bird...then again, if I had 8 arms it wouldn't be an issue.

My child is 3 feet tall and moves fast. I'm not the only mother with small fast children. So, do us all a favor and don't speed through parking lots. Most of us are doing our very best to keep our babes out of harms way. But, God forbid a child dart out from between cars chasing after something and be met with some jerk in a hurry to get a good parking spot. So please don't be that jerk and slow down and pay attention in parking lots. Thanks in advance.

This past weekend we went to a Ranger's game. It was my first trip to a Major League game. Mikka, Dusty, and their kiddos came and my cousins Wade, Michelle, Caleb & his girlfriend also went with us. We got to Arlington Friday nite around 11:30. Saturday we made a trip to Wally World and just hung out at the hotel to try and rest. My cousin Katie came and visited us and it was so nice to see her. We left for the game and got there just in time for the National Anthem. I had my hands full with Mattie or Caden the whole time and so I gave my camera to Mikka with instructions to use it like her own. I should've asked her to take pics of my cousins. Oh well - I'll be seeing them in a few weeks and will get some then! The game was awesome and the Rangers won. Sunday, on the way home, our truck broke down east of Abilene. We had to be towed to Abilene and stay there for the nite. Thankfully, our truck was fixed by noon on Monday and we made it home before dark. Right before the truck broke down, we were talking about what a good job of saving money we did by bringing an ice chest and picnicing...thank goodness. We're happy to be home. I'm starting to get the camper packed and ready for the family reunion. We leave next Thursday. I can HARDLY wait!

These two pictures were taken at home last week. Caden is learning to dress himself...he had a few issues that day.

Pictures from the game this past Saturday night:

There were three homeruns hit to centerfield...thankfully, I got to see one of them when Caden actually sat with me for an entire inning!

This is a link to a video of my cousin, Bret. I haven't cried in almost a week...until I watched this. I sure do love him. Keep him and his family in your prayers, please.

http://www.connectamarillo.com/news/video.aspx?id=301212

I'm back. Today is the first day that I woke up feeling pretty normal. I almost hate to make this post for fear tomorrow the baby blues will attack me again. But, I believe in the power of positive thinking. So, I just know that I'm normal again. Sorry I haven't been commenting or posting. Writing just about anything made me cry. And talking to just about anyone on the phone made me cry. I just cried alot. It's behind me now, though and I'm not going to go into any more detail. I'll just say that hormones can be a bitch.

My comments and posts may still be sparse, because it seems like the only time I have for the computer is when a kid is in my lap...so, if you get a short comment, it's because I'm typing with one hand. I'll comment the next time I get on. Today, I'm just going to get this post in and pictures up.

We've pretty much been holed up here at the house. The H1N1 virus was just making the news at our one week check-up. My doctor forbade Mattie and I from going into public. So, I have not been in any sort of public setting for almost a month now. I'm calling the office today to see if we can get out and about yet. Even if they say no, I may do it anyhow.

We have been going to town with Wesley & Caden when they do the grocery shopping. She and I sit in the truck and wait. I never thought I would look forward to going grocery shopping! Here is Mattie bundled up on a rainy day, about a week or so ago:

We've been doing a lot around the house. Wesley had Dad come run a backhoe and grub a few mesquite and load a junk pile the old owners left out in the pasture. Caden loved it!

Here are a few shots of the backyard and the pasture. Wes and I have picked up a lot in the backyard. We also eat on the patio almost every nite. I love the summertime! Oh, Wes has been grilling just about every nite, too. He is in a Biggest Loser competition at work. The prize is close to $1,000 and he is currently in the lead. Monday is the final day, but we've decided to try and eat healthy even after the competition.

Last week, Mattie and I matched ...totally accidental.

Last Sunday, I got a call to do a cake. For some reason, I said yes. This week, I was struggling to get it done. I called my Mom to come and help me. I was in tears, but that was par for the course since Mattie was born. Anyhow, I asked her what the hell I was thinking taking the order, and she said I must have been having a good moment when the lady called. I think she was right. So, here is the cake that Mom and I did yesterday. It was a total collaboration and the cake wouldn't have gotten done without her. So, thanks Mom.

Cute, huh? Okay, I'm going to get off of here and make the most out of feeling good again! I can't tell you how great it is to wake up without a pit in your stomach.

Life is good, love to all!

Whit