November 4, 2011

  • This Morning

     

    I woke up at 5:00 a.m. with another excruciating headache. I couldn't help but wonder if it was somehow related to my Aunt Butchie...since the last time a headache woke me up, she was scheduled for brain surgery I had no clue about. I lay awake in bed, head throbbing, praying she wasn't in pain. I prayed that my headache would worsen if it would lessen hers. I thought about her in her house and wondered what room she was in. I wondered if there were soft red embers glowing in one of the fireplaces. I ran several scenes of memories with Aunt Butchie through my head. Felt a million feelings, smelled her, smelled her house, could imagine her hollering at my Uncle Charles and broke into quiet sobs.

    During my early childhood, my Mom's mother (my Mamaw) lived in Georgia while we lived in Texas. Wheeler wasn't full of my Mom's family as it had been before or as it is now. Mamaw Bradshaw (my great grandmother) and Aunt Butchie & Uncle Charles were there. I know at least one of my Great Great Aunts was there, but I only have one memory of her and her house. But my Aunt Butchie & Uncle Charles are dominant figures in my childhood.

    I remember staying with Mamaw Bradshaw and running back and forth between her house and Aunt Butchie's. Aunt Butchie & Uncle Charles spoiled me like a grandkid. Looking back on things, I had no shame when it came to asking something of Aunt Butchie...just like Caden has no shame in asking his Bam for anything he wants. I treated her just like I did my own grandmothers. I loved spending the night at her house. I looked forward to Frosted Flakes for breakfast. I swear I don't buy a box without thinking of her and experiencing a moment of transcendental meditation. Aunt Butchie gets a kick out of telling me things I did or said when I was little. Embarrassing things, like how I was uber obsessed with making sure my peach was clean when I took a bath and how when she asked me to bend over and pick something up for her I asked "Well can't you bend?" She has been present in my life from day one, literally. I spent countless hours with her as a small child. I drove her nuts for hours on end in her flower shop. I always asked for a flower and she always gave me one before I left. I remember my Mom getting onto me for always asking for flowers. I remember thinking how absurd my Mom was for thinking my Aunt Butchie didn't want to give me a flower. I get where my Mom was coming from now, but I remember thinking it was ridiculous not to ask Aunt Butchie for anything I wanted. She loved me and I loved her. Almost all holidays were spent at their house.

    I loved going to their house. I remember being so intrigued when they had friends over for Trivial Pursuit. I wasn't allowed to play because it was for "adults." As soon as I became an adult, I got a game for myself. I love Trivial Pursuit, probably because of my young fascination with it.

    My Mamaw and Aunt Butchie took me to meet my brother when he was born in Amarillo. Aunt Butchie was just as excited as my Mamaw. I was at her house fooling around outside. When it came time to go, the "grandmothers" were so mad. I had a new sweat suit on and had gotten completely muddy. My Mamaw spanked me, I'm certain that Aunt Butchie would've spanked me if Mamaw hadn't been there to defer to. Birthin babies is such a special, nerve racking deal...I just didn't quite understand it then.

    Aunt Butchie and Uncle Charles were like family to my Dad before my Mom ever moved from Georgia to Texas. I remember being little and they showed my Dad no less love than they did my Mom. My memories are of a close comfortableness. 

    I feel blessed to have developed a special bond with her from an early age. Even though we moved from Wheeler and I saw very little of Aunt Butchie, she was always there for me when big things happened. I remember being floored when I saw her & Uncle Charles at my high school graduation. They drove 300 miles to be there. I just couldn't believe it. She pridefully told me that she was there when I was born and it only made sense for her to be at my graduation.

     I love it when she calls my Dad by his first and middle name. It reminds me of how connected and tight we once were and how connected we remain even though there are many miles between us. 

    I love my Aunt Butchie's fabulously unique laugh. I love nothing more when, every now and then, I hear traces of her laugh in my own. A few Tuesdays ago, I was driving and talking to Wesley on the phone. I laughed about something. It was her laugh and I immediately recognized it. After I got off the phone, I smiled and felt happy as I drove. For some reason, my black cardigan and black & white gingham shirt that I was wearing made me feel even more Aunt Butchie-ish. If I had had my Facebook activated I would have posted that I felt that way. Even though, I can do good impressions I can't just "do" her laugh whenever I want, it just happens. When I do channel her it always leaves an impression on me. I can precisely pinpoint the moment it happens. (The time before that I was in my laundry room.) Anyhow, I guess I like laughing like her because Aunt Butchie is one of the amazing women in my family that I aspire to be like...She is funny, classy, charming, stubborn, brave, cool, and simply amazing.

    When I stayed in Wheeler for a few weeks in '94 with my grandmother, I also spent quite a bit of time with Aunt Butchie. I rode to Amarillo in the backseat of her Camaro several times. I developed an obsession with Camaros after that...I still want a '98 SS.

    She has been a great role model for me. Her work ethic is rather amazing. She practically lived at the flower shop she once owned...and talk about talented. Her flower arrangements are works of art. Aunt Butchie has an eye for design. Her pieces are always CLASSY, just like her. I've seen her be so angry with something my Uncle has done and remain poised when most people would fly off the handle. She remained poised when I talked to her on the phone while as she watched a wildfire that had burned her son’s house down, burn just south of her house. She was upset, confused and heart-broken, but faithful and poised none the less. She's shown me what a great wife should be. She has shown me what great love is through her love of my Uncle. She has raised three wild boys. She exudes love and pride for all of her children and grandchildren. I love it when she talks about her kids, daughters in law, and grandkids. It makes me love them and her even more.

    She has talked to me and taught me about patience and letting go when it comes to raising a rough and tumble boy like Caden. After raising her boys and living with my Uncle Charles, I swear she is the boy whisperer. Her actions showed me how a grown daughter should selflessly care for their mother. I pray I'm half the daughter she was. She is a caring sister. She is honest. Aunt Butchie is a true Christian. She not only forgives, but forgets. If she knows someone is struggling, she sincerely prays. She doesn't have an "I can" attitude she has an "I'm going to" attitude. Some of my very favorite recipes come from her kitchen. She and my Uncle play host to a huge group of family. They make everyone feel perfectly at home. The provide the setting for the magic that is our family reunion.

    I'm so glad that I've spent hours on her front porch full of family. I'm grateful that I've also spent hours on her front porch with just her and the sound of the wind rustling the leaves of the giant cottonwoods. I'm grateful that for the moments when her house is full, the two of us do dishes, and share our own private moments together. I've learned a lot from her standing at that sink.  

    Aunt Butchie always makes me feel special. She has shown me unconditional love. What makes her so amazing is that she has made so many people feel special. The truth is, she has this incredibly huge heart and she truly cares for all those whom she shows affection.

    I like that when I was having a talk with Caden about his grandmother's...his Bam, Nana, and Mamaw that he said "Wait! Aunt Butchie is my grandmother, too!" He was right, she hasn't just been an Aunt to me, she has been a grandmother. That's how awesome her love is...she loves so deeply and sincerely that kids just assume she must be another grandmother.

    I love my Aunt Butchie. These stupid words just don’t even begin to scratch the surface of how deep my love her for is. I can’t explain what it feels like to be wrapped up in one of her hugs. She has touched me, touched my life. Made it better. She occupies a giant piece of my heart. Why, why can't I find the words? The most perfect words that are deserving of how wonderful she is, how important she is to me, and so many others?

    My sweet Aunt that I write about has a hard battle in front of her. I pray daily for nothing short of a miracle. I don't think a miracle is too much to ask for someone who has done so much for so many. I don't think it's too much to ask you to pray for her, too. After all, I can promise you that if I asked her to pray for you, she would. I’m going to see her this weekend. I’m to understand that she has been getting a kick out of having cards read to her. If you want to leave her a message, a word of encouragement, feel free to comment. I will gladly read it to her.

    Love to all.

October 25, 2011

  • Just a note to remember that Mattie calls flip flops "beep bops." And Caden, almost 5, still calls pancakes "pan-panks." I just don't have the heart to correct him. Apparently, I was never corrected on a few words like "chee-leader" and "kindy-garden." I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing him say "pan-panks."

October 23, 2011

  • Why Not?

    The ultra-stylish @Bricker59 tagged me to for this Stylish Award, which I think might be kind of like a Xanga chain letter??? I'm trying really hard to get back into the "Big X" and so I shall participate. I'm to write 7 things about myself and tag 5 others.

    1. I used to have decent grammar and could tell a pretty good tale...then I got married, had babies, and went to nursing school. I rarely edit anything, now. I just write. Eh, it is what it is.

    2. I am a member of one of the most extraordinary extended families in the entire world. It's true. I have deep, unconditional love for all of my cousins, even all of my second cousins. It took me a long time to even learn the difference. Honestly, there is no difference in my heart, only on paper. We all share some special, magical bond that keeps most all of us united over hundreds, even thousands of miles and long stretches of time. I'm unbelievably blessed. I'm so glad my husband and children can share in the love, too.

    3. My life has felt perpetually chaotic since my first child was born. I put a lot of unrealistic expectations on myself. I'm getting better about it, though. Sort of. I'm actually thinking about forgetting about the next year of school and getting my RN. This would mean that 12 hours of A&P and Microbiology would have to be retaken if I don't start this May. I'm beginning to feel like my little family needs some sort of normalcy and another year of nursing school isn't conducive to normalcy. Caden starts kindergarten next year. I want to be the Mom that takes him to school, watches every program, and helps him with homework. Who knows what will happen.

    4. I'm a little eccentric. I keep gargoyles on my front porch all year round. I like them. I like their history. I like that they freak my MIL out, too. They aren't sceery, demonic gargoyles. They're cool, really they are. I need to pack them up, though. I'm afraid they might scare potential buyers. Bummer.

    5. I can speak pretty decent Spanish. I have more difficulty understanding the spoken word, though. It's usually too fast and I need it mas despacio. My cell phone plays Selena's Bidi Bidi Bom Bom when it rings. It's a great ringer, you should Google the song.

    6. I have written about it several times here. What's one more? I'm a flatlander. I like 180 degrees of horizon, be it on the Llano Estacado or the Gulf of Mexico. One of these days I'm going to live along the gulf, even if it's only part of the year. Imma gonna do it!

    7. I can shear sheep, saddle a horse, and feed hogs. I can start an IV, give injections, and insert a catheter. I can bake a mean cake and decorate it almost like a pro. I can do pretty good accents and impressions of people. But, I still can't sing on key, dammit. I can make my kids laugh, though and that's better anyhow.

    Love to all!

    I may tag people that've already been tagged...but surely one entry counts. And I may not get the exact names, I'll come back and edit if the tags don't work.

    1. @mlbncsga - where have you been Auntie 'M'? I love you!

    2. @wildwomanofthewest

    3. @distantshipsmoke

    4. @slmret

    5. @zsa_md - I sincerely hope you're doing okay.

October 20, 2011

  • Little Things

    Yestereday morning I was scrubbing my shower. On hands and knees, scrubbing. Yuk. Anyhow, Caden and Mattie were playing with his Matchbox cars behind me. Caden is usually pretty mean to Mattie. He is very bossy, rarely shares, and is very manipulative. Yesterday though, they were playing well together. I thought my heart might explode when out of the blue Caden said "I love you, Mattie." and she said " I luv you too, Dud." I love them both.

October 15, 2011

  • My Artist

    Thursday night I received some terrible news. I have to say I think I have some sort of 6th sense. My phone was in the kitchen and rang, I told Wesley "I'm not getting, I don't have a good feeling about it. It's probably nothing, but I just don't have a good feeling." Later, I got up and checked that I missed a call from my sweet cousin Sarah. I figured it was too late to call her back and went to shower. I got out of the shower and had a message to call Mikka. I did and recieved sad news. This is not the first time I've done this. My friend, Summer, has suffered a terrible loss and any prayers of peace for her would be appreciated.

    I went to check on my sleeping babies after the news. Caden was in that place between sleep and consciousness. His Magnadoodle was laying on his belly. I picked it up and looked at what he drew. I asked him what it was and he didn't respond. I asked one more time and he rolled his eyes and sighed "it's just a piece of cwap." I said "oh no, it's not! I really like it!" He protested "I really wanted to draw a dog, but I don't know how. It's just cwap." So I sat down and we used basic shapes to draw a dog. We ended up with a dog, pig, and horse even though we were trying for a dog each time. He had a good laugh at that. He asked what to draw next. I grabbed his Touch the Art book and said "you can try copying some of these." Later, when he should have been sleeping, he calls for me. I went to his room and he showed me his Magnadoodle. I immediately recognized it as Van Gogh's The Starry Night. It's pretty great. I just wish I could save some of his Magnoodle work. I may get him some sort of art pad to keep in his room at night, so I can have save his pieces of work. He likes drawing, just like my Mom and Brother. If you tell him he's an artist, he says "Yep, just like my Bam." I love him.

    Mattie's speech has been improving on a daily basis. I kind of think it has to do with the fact that she has been at home with me. She has learned how to say "Daden hit me." Caden doesn't appreciate this new development, but I do. She also says "ooooh, I like that." and "Awesome!" I better get supper ready, love to all.

    Again, please prayer for my friend.

October 12, 2011

  • Birthday Adventure

    I can't wait until my posts no longer involve some sort of whining about the stresses of school. I have spent almost all day trying to juggle rowdy kids and microbiology. I'm so over school. Anyhow, I did have a great highlight to my day.

    My precious son, who often is stubborn and defiant, took a load off of me today. I had to run to Wally World for a few necessities. Caden was touching EVERYTHING and one of the things he picked up was a map. It was a map of NM. He said something along the lines of it's a map of the world and I said "it's a map of NM."

    Caden: I want to go to NM.

    Me: We do, all of the time.

    Caden: I want to have my birthday party in NM. A great big huge party.

    Me: We can't do that because your friends will not go all of the way to NM for a party.

    Caden: I don't need any kids, just our fam-a-wee. We can have a huge party with cake.

    (Apparently, a huge birthday party consists of cake.)

    Me: Are you suuuure, you don't want to have a party with a jumper and a bunch of kids.

    Caden: Nope, I want to go to NM for my birthday.

    I really wanted to go all out this year for Caden because I failed him on such a grand level last year. However, I wasn't sure how I was going to do it logistically. With family being closer to Seminole and his friends living in Andrews it was kind of a head ache. I also wanted a few things that you can only get in Midland or Lubbock.

    However, the kid still sticks to this idea of going to NM. I'm telling you I am NOT COACHING him or selling it to him. Caden seriously came up with the idea and isn't being talked out of it. I figure we can use the money for a jumper and all of the goodies, decor, etc. for an adventure. We may go to Carlsbad Caverns or Ruidoso or maybe just the sand dunes. Doesn't matter, he just wants a birthday party in NM. He is so my child. Next year we can do the cookie cutter birthday party and it will be easier since we will be living in Midland. His friends will be from Midland and it will work out. This year we are going to hit the road and I'm taking my kid on an ADVENTURE for his birthday.

    In other news, Mattie keeps calling me Mommy. I gently remind her Momma, but she keeps calling me Mommy. Finally, this afternoon when she grabbed my cheeks, kissed my lips, and said "I love you, Mommy" I accepted it.

    Love to you all!

     

October 9, 2011

  • Hello!

    My little girl is sitting in my lap playing with a toy and my son is next to me watching a cartoon. They have both been behaving this morning and kind to each other, this makes it a great day! I had to take Mattie to the doctor yesterday. She was losing her voice earlier in the day and when she woke up from her nap she was running a fever, complained of her throat hurting, and she looked sick out of her eyes. Her throat was red and swollen and she had a nasty cough. Anyhow, they think she has a viral infection. She seems to be feeling better this a.m. I must brag on her though. Mattie was such a good patient! They swabbed her throat and drew her blood and she never cried. She remained very calm and cooperative. She came home with a load of stickers. Everyone was so impressed that she was only 2 and they kept giving her stickers.

    It's cooling off in the evenings now. Caden pulled his long johns out the other night. He found a hole in the leg and was very upset. He said "it's going to let all of my air out and I can't run fast if I lose all of my air!!"

    Wesley had several things working as far as jobs go, but a company we both really like made him an offer. There was no interview, just a come listen to what we can offer you meeting. So, he is going to take it. We will be moving to Midland, TX. *sigh* I have mixed feelings about it. I guess I'm a little anxious because it's change. I really love my house and where it is situated, even though I can't stand this town. Midland doesn't really have anything like it that we can afford. This means we will be city slickers for a year or two or five. I'm very nervous about this. I like my space, privacy, and stars.

    I'm not looking forward to the moving process. Packing, cleaning, packing, cleaning is not really a fun cycle.

    In other news, we adopted a dog. I have always been a big big-dog person. I like yappy dogs but said I would have a yappy dog when I was really old. Well, that's what I get for saying that. We are the proud owners of a miniature schnauzer. His name was Zeus...but he doesn't look like a Zeus. I changed his name to Luke...it is close enough to Zeus that he comes when called. Luke Skybarker came from a lady who is disabled and couldn't take care of him. He is great with the kids, very mild mannered, potty trained, crate trained, and easily fits into our lifestyle. He does do this yappy thing when we go into public places. *sigh* I still can't believe I did that.

    I better get off of here and get to packing/cleaning. Love to you all!

September 27, 2011

  • I Passed Boards

    I am officially a nurse now! I've been avoiding a post because other than passing boards life is kind of wild. The day after I posted about how my doctor pretty much got me a job we found out Wesley's company is selling the field he works in. We are looking into relocating either with the company or with another company. There are lots of possiblities, Colorado, Decatur, TX, and around the Corpus Christi, TX area, too. Nothing is definite though and so we are just taking it one day at a time. I'm not employed right now, pretty much because I don't want to go to work full time and then quit. Maybe I will though, because it could be a year before we do anything. I just don't know. I'm taking 10 hours, which has also kept me very busy. I'm keeping the kids home because we can't afford daycare w/o student loans. I deactivated my Facebook account. I don't like how FB decides what is important to me for me. I like to make my own decisions, thank you. I think I'll blog more here now. I've done a decent job of keeping up and fairly decent job of commenting. I aim to get better, though.

    I'm doing a total house/garage purge right now. I GAVE AWAY tons of stuff that I had sitting in the garage waiting for a garage sale. It felt GOOD. I have more to do, too. Today I cleaned my closet out. Tons of clothes are bagged up and ready to go to a couple of my friends. I've now decided I probably could have made several hundred dollars off of all the stuff I've given away. Lord knows I could use an extra couple of hundred dollars but this is so liberating. I don't need the stress of a garage sale in my life right now. This is quick and easy. Well worth it. Anyhow, hope everyone is doing well. Love to all!

August 17, 2011

  • Done! Sort of...

    I am officially a nurse! Wa-hoo! Okay, so I'm a graduate vocational nurse. Soon, I will take boards and be a licensed nurse. This was such a long, hard year. I was the class president and had to give a speech to the new class starting this August, I will share that with you later...to kind of clarify how hard it was. Anyhow, my Mom - #shellisland posted...but I figured I better, too.

    I graduated this past Saturday and Friday was the awards ceremony. I came home with an arm full of awards. I was the Valedictorian of our class and made the President's Honor Roll. I was recognized again for the campus wide Academic Excellence Award. I was recognized for scoring high enough on an ATI Pharmacology test to be exempt from the pharm course in the RN program. I achieved a Level 3 status in Pharm, Maternal Newborn Nursing, & Medical-Surgical Nursing. ATI also has a composite predictor test that gives the percentage you have at passing boards on the first try, I have a 99% chance of passing boards on the first try.

    We were all given the opportunity to give a certificate to someone special that made our success possible. I gave mine to Wesley. Of course, my Mom was awesome and stepped in when we needed her most. It was Wesley who day in and day out, had to deal with the insanity. We got Mom a massage and pedicure, of which she needs several hundred more to be repaid for her good works.

    Anyhow, my favorite, most special award that I received was a Certificate of Appreciation from one of my classmates. Instead of recognizing her family, she chose to recognize me...and of course made me bawl. The certificate reads "During the course of my study, through personal sacrifice, selflessness, and without material reward, bestowed the support and understand without which my graduation would not have been possible. This certificate is hereby conferred to honor and recognize the confidence, devotion, guidance and assistance freely given in helping me obtain this important milestone in my life." - yep, this one is for sure getting a frame. I don't think I did anything extraordinary, but she is convinced I did. So it's a reminder to me that nice matters. And that it isn't hard to make a difference in someone's life.

    And speaking of nice, I went to ask my dear doctor if I could use him for a reference for job applications today. He insisted that I do and then picked up the phone and made appointments for me with key people, right then and there on the spot. I had to pick my jaw up off the ground. I was so glad that I had brought a thank you note and included in it a portion of my graduation speech that recognized him. While there was one person in the program that made it very difficult, I look around now and find myself surrounded by beautiful, supportive people. How lucky am I? VERY. I'm so blessed. My God, I'm so blessed.

    I have the best support system of family and friends a person could ever ask for. Here is a small excerpt from my speech: "

    A thank you to our brothers & sisters, extended families, in-laws, and friends for understanding that we weren’t avoiding you this past year. Thank you for being there for us, even though we weren’t always there for you. Thank you for understanding we weren’t in your ordinary nursing program."

    I can't change the font back? I must say I did not manage to send but ONE graduation announcement. They had me running like a chicken with my head cut off right up until it was all over. If I didn't know my grandmother's address by heart, it probably wouldn't have been sent either. I am very sorry, I wish I had been granted a little more time. We had to take 10 tests of substantial significance in 5 days. It was rough. 

    Okay, that's all of the bragging I'm going to do on myself for now. Thanks to you all that cheered me on. I'm so very grateful!  

    Love to all!

July 21, 2011

  • Mattie can barely talk, but she knows some Spanish. She now says "caca" when she has to poop. She says "poop" too, but she sure does like to say caca.

    I learned today that her favorite color is pink. I watched her while she was at school for a bit this afternoon. I always like watching my kids interact with other kids. Anyhow, the teacher was passing out little cans of Playdough and gave Mattie a green one. Mattie immediately started to screech and the teacher said, "Oh Mattie, I forgot." She then went and got a pink one for Mattie. She told me that Mattie freaks if she doesn't get the pink Playdough. I just pulled up a link with a bunch of colors and asked Mattie to tell me her favorite color and she chose pink. Very interesting to me. I don't think Caden developed his "favorite" color until last year. His being blue of course.

    I better jet.