I've had my Xanga account for 5ish years. I was looking for a couple of photos and stumbled across these videos of my baby boy. I've laughed until I cried and just cried, I need to see if I can get more video of him on. Such a difference between then and now. I've often said Xanga is where I jot down thoughts and activities from my life and my kid's lives. So thank you Xanga for providing a wonderful format and keeping my old posts archived. It's been like flipping through a journal tonight. Love it!

I just hate how fast and easily I gain weight. And I REALLY hate how terribly long it takes and how torturous it is for me to lose weight.

Last December, I had lost a total of 45 pounds after Mattie was born. Then school started. Losing weight is stressful for me. I LOVE food, all food. I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I just LIKE to eat. I also find eating in moderation to be a real challenge, I just do. Anyhow, last semester I was doing all I could to take care of my kids, my husband, tutor my husband, take care of my home, my bills, and ace my A&P courses. So, I stopped trying to eat in moderation and I didn't give a damn about what I did or did not put in my mouth. By May, I had gained 30 pounds back.

Mid-June I started the diet, again. I've given up Dr.Pepper, again. I had gone 10 months without a DP before I got pregnant with Mattie. Things are going to get really stressful in the coming months and I don't need to give up this diet thing. I'm in it for the long haul.

My profile picture is 5 years old...this is mainly because I'm not one to rearrange things. I've never changed my page to the "new layout" that Xanga uses now. When I move into a new house, the furniture gets set and I rarely rearrange. That's just how I am. I've also decided that part of my problem IS my profile pic. That is NOT what I look like now. But I delete almost all pics of my current self...I don't look at them, I rarely look in the mirror. Honestly, 90% of the time the image I have of myself is that profile pic. This will change, I need to be honest with MYSELF.

I'm going to hold myself accountable here. I'm tracking my progress here. I'm being honest here. I'm not looking for encouragement or support. I'm just trying to get real. I'm going to do my best to post monthly profile pics and weight loss totals.

I debated on whether or not to post my actual, real-live-go-to-hell weight. Most women I know would NEVER do such a thing, overweight or not. I guess if I'm going to get real, I might as well.

*Big breath*Mid-June, we'll just say June 15th, I weighed 250 lbs. Today I weigh 235. I vow never to see 240 anything on my bath scales again.

I'm down 15 lbs. I need to lose 45 more to move from the obese mark, to the overweight mark. I need to lose 70 pounds to reach the "normal" mark. Those last two categories are my short and long term goals.

I wonder how I ever got to this point? How I ever let myself go? I think it's from not being real and honest with myself.

 I've got quite a few pics to share from the past month. I already shared the family reunion/4th pics I've got. This is the rest of July.

Cakes:

This is the Bride's cake. She wanted something really simple. I'm kind of bummed about how the beaded border came out, they would normally be PERFECT. But when I was working on them it was like 3:30 a.m. and it was all I cold do to get them done.

This is the groom's cake. The groom's mother insisted that it be iced with german chocolate icing, not any sort of decorations but the strawberries. My Mom was a real lifesaver and made the cakes and the icing for this cake. She kept saying "this is sooo ugly." - but in the end I think it turned out great. Thanks again Momma!

This is the complimentary cake for the bride and groom to share on their honeymoon.

I made this cake for Mikka's birthday this past weekend. I really enjoyed working on it. My kids cooperated, I wasn't rushed, and it was fun. I'm glad to end my cake baking on such a good note. For the next year, only Caden & Mattie are getting cakes. School first, cake later.

Entirely edible: 

These are two of many I took one afternoon that I should've been cleaning. However, I was feeling artsy.

Mattie girl:

How about some T-Ball? Like I said, Caden finally "got it" towards the end. These are from his second to last game.

Look closely at this shot, then check out the next. I took them right after one another.

He LOVED the feeling of getting the ball first. I loved how happy it made him.

Running home:

More fielding, he is READY:

Got it!

Running home again:

Mattie at her Aunt Katie's baby shower:

Aunt Katie had a great shower. I wish I had thought to take pictures of the diaper cakes I made for it. And the letters I made for baby Clayton's room. Maybe, I'll remember to take a picture of them when I visit his nursery.

So, that's all folks. I've got to keep cleaning house and get school stuff finalized this week. I hoping that I can participate in the photo scavenger hunt going on. It looks sooo fun!

MAKE it a great week!

Love to all!

Maybe I feel this way because summer is on the downhill slope, but I think I feel this way because it's just a fact. I feel like LIFE is slipping by entirely TOO FAST. I look at my son and think "He is 3 months shy of 4 years old. How did THAT happen?" It was just TOO FAST. It's such an unfair twist that time seems to speed up as we age.

I want more time to spend with my kids, my parents, my Mamaw, all of my family, my friends, God, people in need, myself. The thing is I guess I need more resources, too. Sometimes, I think money can buy you time. Quality time, you know? Like when we were flipping the Dogwood house. My parents came and busted their rear ends helping us out. My Dad and I spent countless hours together. Instead of slowing down to my Dad's pace and enjoying that time with him, we bickered like cats and dogs because time meant money to me and I didn't have the money or time to slow down. If we were rich, I could buy the house next door next to where we live or where we will live for my Mom & Dad. So I could enjoy a cup of coffee, with my Mom everday. If we had more money, we could afford the diesel to drive up and down the road visiting family and friends. If we had more resources, I could plan another beach trip and steal my Mamaw away from her boyfriend for more unadultered time. If we could afford it, I would hire a babysitter to watch my kids once a month so my husband and I could spend an hour or two alone. Lots of ifs. And it makes no real sense to dwell on it. We'll do the best we can. And I'm going to try really hard to slow down when I can and just enjoy time with those I love.

I better get some things about the kids down. This a.m. I started the dishwasher, and it runs for a minute, then it goes through a lull, then runs. Anyhow during a lull, Caden walked by, his eyebrows crinkle, and he looks up at me and says "Hey, Mom. The dishwasher is out of diesel. It's not running right now." I'm not sure how he knows that things will stop if they don't have "diesel" because I've never ran our truck out of fuel, but I think it's funny any how.

Caden's T-Ball was just GREAT! He actually "got it" for the last couple of games. I know it's ridiculous to say that a 3 year old has "ball sense", but I'm telling you he does. And I'm not even being one of "those parents."

Swimming lessons for Caden were a bust. A total bust. I think I better get a pool and teach him myself. I always think that the people I babysat for back in highschool, got a real deal from me because I also taught their kids how to swim.

Mattie has been doing so much! Her first word was Momma. And she would call Wesley "Momma" for a while. I say it's payback for Wesley rubbing it in that Caden called me "Dad" for so long. Anyhow, she's got "Dad" down now. She also tries to say Caden. She can say "Bam", "Pawpaw", "Nana", "no-no", "hi", "bye-bye", and she tries to say "thank you."  She signs "more." I haven't pushed the sign language with her, like I did Caden. I sign "sit down, now" to her and Caden both, though. (Thanks for that one Aunt Marsha!)

Mattie is really easy to put to sleep. You can just lay her down and if she lifts her head up, you can say "Lay down, Mattie." And get this...she does! It's a far cry from Caden.

Mattie climbs all over everything. She will climb into chairs and onto tables. I just got her off the dining room table. She was pruning a plant I put up there when she started crawling. She just gives you a big dimpled smile when you tell her to sit down.

Like Caden, Mattie LOVES to dance. It's the greatest thing. I need to video it soon.

I have tons of pics of my kids to share. I'll wait though, because this post is long enough!

Love to all!

Whit

Snippet of the day:

"Me said shit, Mom."

"Caden! You know we don't say that word."

"Uggggggh, me have to say shit because me can't get my shoe on!"

I have so many pictures of people and things that I don't know where to start. I wish that I had more pictures of the family reunion/4th celebration. I have only a few shots. Isn't that just awful? I'm just glad I handed my camera off to Ross or I would have NONE!

We were with family Thursday thru Monday afternoon. It was really great. My family that lives in Wheeler is so kind to open their homes to those of us, not so lucky to live there. Poor Todd, Tammy, Jaten, and Nicole are probably still in a state of sleep deprivation from having their shop be the spot for late, late night gatherings. And Aunt Butchie just worked like a madwoman, putting food and drinks for one and all on the table. The Bryants get special props for driving and flying a thousand plus miles just to be with us. It seems like everyone there put in special effort of some sort to making the weekend work. That's one of the great things about my family.

Mattie decided it was the opportune time to become my own cling-on. She would have hardly anything to do with anyone but me. She would go to Wesley, my Mom, Sarah, Anna, and Jaten. Both of my kids have been drawn to Sarah, Anna, & Jaten. It's a really cool thing.

Caleb & Colten put on a freestyle show in Canadian on Friday & Saturday night. Wesley went both nights. I stayed back with Mattie because I think it would've been really difficult to keep Mattie happy. They put on a good show and everyone that went enjoyed themselves. They also brought a couple of riders with them. Those guys were just great and fit right in with the rest of us.

We took Caden's little quad for him to ride in the parade. He rode in the parade while his Daddy trotted beside him in the rain. Caden had the biggest smile on his face after it was all said and done. He won first place in his division.

Saturday night, after I put my kids down, I got to enjoy an hour or so of visiting with my Mom and Aunt Marsha. That was such a peaceful moment. I didn't get to do a lot of REAL visiting with everyone. Mattie was constantly whining. I couldn't even get a complete thought to run through my brain without her interrupting, let alone out of my mouth. But, I have to say Caden was so much easier. I didn't feel the need to be right by his side the entire time. I was okay, as long as I could see him every so often. He had a real meltdown Sunday night, due to exhaustion. I probably should've forced him to sit down and eat, and taken him to the hotel for good naps. But, there would've been no real point in going if I was going to spend all of my time at the hotel. I just opted to let him go and have fun.

Todd held a skeet shoot. I missed out on that, too. But next time around, I'm not going to! There was a fireworks show out in the country. I never knew who to thank for buying all of those. But it was great watching them, even when the pyrotechnicians got a little ornery. Caden was convinced they were space ships. It was great.

Sunday night, Wesley dropped me off at Todd's shop, and took the kids to bed. It was like the second time the entire trip that I really got to relax. I played my first games of beer pong. And it's been a long time since I laughed so hysterically. I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning. It was well worth it, though. I probably would've had an easier time with the wedding cake if I hadn't done that, but I would do it again.

All in all, it was a great trip. A great time. A great family. When I greet each person, it's like a piece of my heart gets put back in place. Everyone goes about their business and were not always together, 24-7, but my heart is so full because I know these precious people are just minutes away, steps away. And then it's time to say good byes, and my heart is once again dismantled.

I heard a story about how years ago, my great grandmother and her family, and her siblings families would all gather together every Sunday. I wish it were possible for us all to do that now. In the meantime, I'll settle for every summer.

Almost everybody:

Jaten & Mattie:

Sisters/Brothers/Spouses sitting with their kids standing

The outlaws: Boyfriend and friends.

The Moores:

Anna & sweet baby Nash:

Caden & Jaten:

Me & my babe

PS - next year, I'm going to be skinny dammit!

I have so much to say and so little time to get it all down. A couple of weeks ago, we had a bad storm and lightning fried our router and modem. We were without the net for a week. Then we went to Dallas for a Ranger game. It was the first real trip away without the kids. My Mom stayed here at our house and kept them. I enjoyed visiting and laughing with family and friends. Pictures soon.

Then, three days after we got home, we left again for a family trip to Wheeler for the 4th. We had a grand, grand time. Family is such a great thing. More posts and pictures about this, too.

Last night Caden had his first t-ball game. He was SOOOOO cute! He was one of the first kids to bat, they are supposed to run to first base and stop. Well, Caden has only been to one practice. After he hit the ball, he zoomed to third base, then second, then first where a coach finally caught him. I laughed so hard. He had such a fun time. There was a part of me that wanted to yell at Wesley to get on to Caden and make him do everything right. But, thank goodness I squashed that thought and didn't sweat it. He is ONLY 3 and he was having a blast. T-ball is supposed to be fun.

I'm working on a big honking wedding cake and groom's cake for this weekend. So, I'll be out until it's delivered. Lots of pictures to come! Love!

Day 30 — Share what you have learned, if anything, about yourself in the last 30 days.

Not much I didn't already know. Like, if I start something I like to finish it...even if it's not on time. That I enjoy goofy things like this challenge. I like writing prompts.

Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days.

This weekend I plan to have a garage sale. This summer I plan to go to Dallas & Wheeler. I plan to thoroughly enjoy visiting all of my family. I have a wedding cake to do, maybe, if the girl will ever get her act together so I can start planning for it. Caden has T-ball and swimming lessons. We're planning on selling our 5th wheel and truck. I'm going to be putting a lot of miles on a vehicle over the next year or two and need something a little easier on the pocket when we buy gas. The last I looked we pay 30 cents a gallon more for diesel. That's a LOT! So if we sell the truck, we need to sell the camper too. I begin school August 24thish.

I hope that school is manageable and that I'll be able to make straight A's. I hope that I'm able to focus on my kids & husband enough when I'm home. I hope my Dad's surgery goes well. I hope the wedding cake turns out okay. I hope I can get it together and LOSE WEIGHT.

I dream of a SUV crossover, but in all reality they're just station wagons! I can't believe I would have EVER wanted something like that, but it would fit my lifestyle right now. I dream of vacations to tropical places. I dream of naked beach babies. I dream of big bank accounts. I dream of being comfortable in a swimming suit again.

   
Day 27 — The last thing that made you cry.

My precious girl burned her hand on my curling iron. We weren't at home and I was a little out of my element. I always have cords up high and am really safe when it comes to hot curling irons and clothes irons. Anyhow, I don't know if Mattie pulled the cord and got the iron in the floor or if Caden moved it, but she picked the hot end up and burnt her baby hand all to hell. That night when she was just inconsolable made me cry. I didn't bawl because I didn't want to upset her more, but I sure wanted to.

Day 28 — Say something to your 15 year old self.

Look Whitney, I know you think you've got everything figured out. And you do have a pretty good handle on things. But you don't know EVERYTHING, you're 30 and you still don't. You have no concept of the stress your Dad is under at work right now. He's going through hell and back to put food on the table and a nice roof over your head. And you simply can't take the things he says or doesn't say, does or doesn't do to heart. He isn't as self-centered as you think, because everyday that he goes to that hell-hole he works at, he goes for you. So stop being so materialistic. Your incessant want for things you simply can't have is a blow to his ego. Shut the hell up about new cars and be damn grateful for whatever you're driving. Keep talking to him and don't bring up things you want, or your he's not going to listen. If you're not careful one of these days, he'll stop listening because of it. There will be times in the next few years that you'll really want to talk to him, need to talk to him, and he's not going to listen because YOU'VE worn.him.out.

Just do the things Dad asks you to do. He's a ridiculous micromanager, he's not trying to steal the independence you crave so badly. He doesn't not trust you to do things, he is just a micromanager. He can't help it. So don't get so angry when he wants you to do everything little thing HIS way, suck it up. Please don't argue with him.

I don't know what to tell you, but to be nice. You are going to be incredibly tempted to mirror his attitude and stubbornness, but if you do you're going to destroy the great father-daughter relationship you've enjoyed so much.  That tenderness will only be a childhood memory. Just because he doesn't hug you anymore, doesn't mean you should stop hugging him. It's. not. his. fault. He's entirely blinded by stresses of the world that he can't see what he's doing, so you should just shower him with love and appreciation and respect...even though he wont always show you the same love, appreciation, and respect. Otherwise, your going to feel deep sorrow for your part in the next few years of turmoil. Take my advice, because if you don't, you'll be every bit as guilty as he is for the demise of your relationship. It will never, ever be the same. You will hurt each other and 15 years later, it will still make you sad.